Skip to main content

Aisi Gehraiyaan, Aisi Tanhaiyaan (Such Deepness, Such Loneliness)

I am generally not a big fan of Javed Akhtar. (Especially after his unwarranted show of pigheadedness during a discussion with Sadhguru). But I think he nailed it when he wrote those poems for Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.

This particular one resonated with me for obvious reasons that I was feeling very very lonely during this Diwali.

The moment seems to flow like a molten sapphire and there’s deep blue silence,
Neither there is earth below, nor sky above,
The rustling branches, leaves are saying that only you are here,
Only me, my breath and my heartbeat, 
Such deepness, such loneliness and me…only me,
It all makes me believe in my existence.
 

It is indeed embarrassing to admit that in this world full of life and color, one does indeed feel lonely. That one has the need to seek the comfort and solace of somebody whom you can call your own. Sometimes seething misguided anger ensues.
I have been struggling with this for some time now because I really have no idea of how to deal with it. The uniqueness of my situation (me being a teacher out in the concrete wild) has restrained how I can deal with this.
After the seething anger comes helplessness.
And of course you try to avoid all this by feverish activity..

It was in the midst of such mind-numbing activity, I discovered this piece. I usually try to avoid reading spiritual literature. But I stumbled upon this during my EMedia research and the simplicity of it all sliced through me like a literal Occam ’s razor. Suddenly the loneliness, embarrassment, anger and the helplessness disappeared and in its place stood a delicate flame of gratitude. 

Gosh, am I looking forward to my Guru Pooja tomorrow??
P.S: If you have come this far and you have no idea what i am talking about. Fear not. Just watch this.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Mausam

It feels like fall, though it is prime summer. Should have been the time for feverish activity and unrelenting purpose For I know that this is the last stretch No time for sentimental retch
But there is this nagging feeling again… “Purpose is pointless. Motivation is madness.” When the sky is vast, the breeze is unbridled and the oceans wild, This daily routine is a damnation
There is a kitten in my backyard He looks at me with his damaged eye His loveliness makes me cry I want to caress and hold him nigh.. But even before I do that, I know it is not enough… For it is not just cuteness… It is a dare to dissolve Oh! The bluntness…
It’s been a while since I let a feline friend move me to tears All I want is to flop back to earth And take the maternal embrace of the dirt I want to let the borders of my body dissolve into the top soil I should remember to relax I should remember that I had been here before…
Oh! how many times more, this seasonal drama? How many more cycles of summer and…

The Cat

He is a lovely kitten. He is very young, a mere baby. He keeps his eyes closed all the time. And he is out there. From my couch in the living room, I just see a mound of fluff in the middle of my backyard. He curls into his own body. Intermittently his body shudders in the morning cold. I feel a motherly pang within me. I worry: why does he venture out to the open? Why can’t he stay cozy under the bush like his siblings?
He seems to remind me of what is to be done. It seems easy in retrospect to venture unprotected into the cold for the first time. Does it become easier the second time around?
I suddenly become aware of the many things. Like the passing time. Last week, someone suddenly mentions my age. I am also becoming aware of the structures that I have created for myself. Coming from a space of no framework or organization, I was scared that I could not become a proverbial cog in the wheel. And revolting as it sounds, I wanted to be the cog. And I loved the wheel. I could not b…

Being 30

Joey is a man from own heart when he says: "Let the others grow up... Not Me!".
Can't believe I am thirty now. Always thought 30 is something which happens to others..Should have seen this coming along. The other day a new intern joined my team and she kept calling me 'sir'..Didn't give it much thought till i checked out her resume and the kid was born in '93 (That's after the year Roja got released!!!)! Also that day when the kid next door kept sobbing the words"Sorry uncle" to me because his cricket ball landed on my car windshield.
Felt an urgency to do many things in life today. A lot of questions to answer.

Yet the inexorable march of time is exciting. For one, the density of my life's experience in the last few years is keeping me on my toes and i don't want to slack off in any way.

Till now, Life had put me in many unenviable situations. Those moments sometimes make me feel uncomfortable or at worst make me feel ashamed of my…